It's been so long since my last post... I'm sorry for not keeping in touch. So for the last few months since my failed I.V.F. I've done A LOT of thinking. I pondered if I was ready to go back to the doctor and talk about my failed cycle. Am I really ready to sit in front of mt doctor just to hear him say "the cycle should have worked, just do it again"? Like it's that easy to just "do it again". I've also (without sounding to sad) tried to imagine what life might be like simply without children. I know that one day we will have our child we long for. But for now, could I fully love life without?
One big thing that I've been doing to take my mind off of things and help me to improve myself is working out. Two months ago I signed up for the local YMCA. As much as I might hate waking up extra early to go work out or going strait from work, I love love love it once i'm there. I know it's just the thing I needed.
In the past for months I've also been transferred to a new store at work. I work as a manager at Walgreen's and they can transfer you when ever they see fit. Which can sometimes be not such a good thing... well as much as I love my old store and love my old employees, it was defiantly time for a change. I went though the whole before, during, and after of the ivf and everyone knew my story. So going to a new store where no one new I was infertile, no one knew I'd been though a failed ivf. It was almost refreshing to start from scratch.
So now today i'm sitting here thinking about how much I want my miracle child, how badly I want to see a little person with my eyes and my husbands nose... But for now I know that what will be will be, no matter how hard I try. And honestly I'm ok now knowing that. My time will come!
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