Sorry for my MIA, I've been napping.

I'm so sorry for being missing for so many weeks. I'm doing wonderfully other than being so tired all the time. Aside from working all the time all I want to do is nap. I haven't even had any motivation clean my house, or check my email, I feel like a comlete sloth. And the longer I didn't blog the harder it became to know what to write. So much and nothing at all has been going on. Today marks my 13 weeks of. Ring pregnant and me and baby are doing amazing. Last week we had our 12 week appt and we got to here the heartbeat for the first time, again amazing. Our little baby bean had a heart hate in the high 160's and doc also let us quickly see how baby was doing. It was so cool to see him/her wiggle aground in there. My heart definately melted. Even though at moments It still feels surreal. I'm beyond happy, not to mention we made it passed the danger zone. (huge sigh of relief).  Here is a little sneak peek into my uterus, lol.

 And because I've been a bad blogger I'm going to get off my lazy ass and get back on the blogger train.  In one of my next few posts I'm going to try and do a weekly progression picture with all the weeks I missed updating.
So my next appt is at 16 weeks and my next ultrasound isn't untill 20 weeks, unless I beg my doctor at my next appt.  we will see.

How i've been feeling update:
up to about week 11 My breasts where soooo sore, but faded quickly halfway though week 11.  I haven't had any morning sickness, just a few nauseous moments around dinner or when i eat things that have squishy textures.  My only other symptoms are headaches, peeing alllll the time, eating more, and feeling overly bloated (i know that's the baby growing) all the time.  Like I said earlier I feel pretty good overall.  And again I'm so sorry for leaving everyone who reads my blog hanging.  And thank for caring, especially the few ladies who send me e-mails and messages encouraging me to stop being lazy and do an update.  I'm going to do my best to continue documenting this amazing time in my life.
I hope everyone else is doing amazing as well.    <3

update, update, update.. so busy but all good!

Wow so much has been going on since my last post... I fully intended on faithfully doing my weekly updates, but oh man between life, working, and my many many naps I haven't even found time to open my laptop.  I guess the level of fatigue is more than normal, and in turn for me being prego I'll take it.

So where to start... last Friday was 8 weeks pregnant and boy was I bloated (or at least that's how I felt).  I was In a friends wedding that day and prior to the wedding, prior to knowing I was pregnant I had purchased a bridesmaid dress that was too big... so of course I had the dress taken in (by the brides mother-in-law). Well a few days before the wedding I got my dress and when I tiered it on for the first time... umm... it didn't zip.  It was so uncomfortable, there was no way I could wear that dress to the wedding.  Luckily the morning of the wedding my sisters neighbor was able to free her morning and rip my dress completely apart (not a cheep task) and make it fit perfectly.  I didn't have the heart to tell my friend or her mother-in-law, but it fit so that's what matters.  Here is a pre dressed up picture of me and then a few pics from the wedding.

The wedding went well, we stayed up way to late but it was a fun night.  I don't much remember Saturday because i'm pretty sure I slept most of the day... lol! That's what prego's do best I guess.  Friday was my brothers birthday so we spent the day hanging with family.  A nice weekend but a busy one. 
So that brings us to Monday.  Yaay ultrasound day.   My hubby and I got to the doc about 8:45 for a 9am ultrasound appt.  Its was a mostly happy appt, but there was a small amount of sadness, but overall lots of happiness.  Let me explain, I'm laying there on the table goo on my belly me staring at the monitor.  And I say to the ultrasound tech "there was two sacs at my last appt on the unofficial ultrasound" and she looks at me and replys "hmm oh, those are the things they don't tell me" fallowed by silence.  So the little but of sadness was that one of the sacs is no longer in there... but the AMAZING news is that we have one healthy baby with an amazing heartbeat of 156.  It was so awesome to see the little flicker of the heartbeat... just amazing.  I was 8 weeks 3 days at my appt and baby measured a little small at 7 weeks 4 days, but I know that's ok, we'll catch up.

my little bean, oh how I love you already.

So all in all I've been feeling really good.  I've had a few really bad headaches, and daily spurts of nausea they can last from 10 minutes to hours... but I haven't had to through up yet so that's great = )  And my breasts are still really sore, and I have a really hard time getting through the day without a nap. But i think thats all really normal.
Tomorrow I  will be 9 weeks prego, yay!  And my next doctors appt will be right after I reach the 12 week mark.  We will be able to hear the heartbeat and just make sure everything is going normal.  After that appt my hubby promised to by me my very own Doppler so that way i can become obsessed with listening to it  = ).  We don't get to see the little bean until 20 weeks but I think at my 12 week apt I'm going to ask my doctor if it would be possible to have another one sooner, I just think I might go crazy waiting till 20 weeks to to see my little bean again.
To ad to my busy week we've celebrated my dads birthday, my mother-in-laws birthday and I went to my nephews kindergarten graduation.  Mixed in with a full week of work. 

7 weeks today

Today Marks me being 7 weeks pregnant... I still can't believe i can really write that. Makes me the happiest person in the world. 
My pregnancy has been pretty uneventful, and other than being super tiered and a little bloated i feel great.  For the last few days I've been getting some nagging headaches and also some off and on tummy issues.  But nothing i can't handle.  My mom and my sister keep telling me they had easy pregnancies,   but they have never carried multiples so i think it will be more likely that I'll be a little sicker than if i was having one.
I wasn't feeling to up to taking a picture today (and I don't look much different from the last pic) so i'll save the picture taking for my 8 week update.  And again I'm so exited for my June 4th appt where We will get to see the babies heartbeats.

I have one other issue i have to address, and any feedback would be greatly appreciate.  So my hubby and I haven't umm done the deed since we found out i was expecting.  I love him and want to show him that but I'm just so worried that anything i do will harm the babies. I'm just so freaked out about losing these babies.  And then there's the fact that i feel bloated and not so attractive right now.  I know he probably thinks I'm beautiful no matter what.

I'm not used to the lack of control

During my many years of infertility I've always (for the most part) been in control.  That's not to say I've always ended up with the result i wanted, but none the less i was in control.  When we started TTC I was in control of the dates we baby danced, and the days i POAS, and everything in between... When we did fertility treatment, every moment was accounted for, and that helped make me feel comfortable with where we where at with everything.    Even at the start of this pregnancy I was in control.  I took a pregnancy test every morning just to make sure the line was getting darker.  I kid you not i took at least 30 tests, but it made me feel better to know if the line was getting darker things where going to be ok.  I told myself after our first ultrasound i would stop POAS.  But that is proving to be difficult.  I haven't taken any tests since last Thursday (day of our ultrasound)  But it makes me really sad that i don't have my own personal ultrasound machine to keep check on the twins. 
I know that the twins are happy and growing fine, and I'll be ok.  I'll just be a bit more relieved on June 4th when we can see the babies again, and hear there heartbeats for the first time. <3  And I'll be even more relived in July when i end my first trimester.

OMG, I don't even know what to title this post = ) but it's good i promis.

For the last few months I've had no idea what to post.  We haven't been doing any fertility treatment, we've been just laying low living life as normal.  And now i have to say for the last few weeks I've had to try really hard to not share my life and write a post.(
I'm going to cut right to the chase, this last cycle things just felt right.  We tracked ovulation, I ate healthy, worked out a lot, and just tried to take care of my body the best i could.  Well two weeks ago today I took my first pregnancy test (of this cycle).  and BAM all the time i've spent as a patiently waiting member of the infertility club has paid off... 2 pink lines.  Yaaayyy!!!

Well I continued to be POS Obsessed that whole weekend (with lines getting darker and darker each time) and on Monday I called my doctor and went in for my first beta.  My results came back the next day with a beta of 148 (yay again) and a whopping progesterone level of 89 (nurse wanted to see it over 20).  So officially prego.  After almost 5 years of TTC I'm really pregnant and this time everything looks good. 
My follow up beta two days later was good as well, it came back at 284 so again looks good.

But wait I have more to my story.......  I went in yesterday for my first appt with the doctor to confirm my pregnancy with a ultrasound.  I had to work that morning but a co-worker came in for an hour to let me go to my appt (the whole time no one at work knowing that I'm prego, actually we haven't told anyone yet).  I met my husband at the doctors office and we wait, me totally nervous.  We've never made it this far in our fertility journey, and i just want to see something inside my uterus to confirm this is all real and to make sure our sticky baby is sticky in the right place.
We'll after what seemed like hours of waiting, we where finally looking at the ultrasound screen anticipating what we where gonna see....  Well i'll show a picture and everyone else can be the judge of my ultrasound picture....

Now if you are looking at this picture and think you might be seeing double.... Its because there are two gestational sacs... Yeah I said it TWO sacs, OMG I'm having TWINS.  How does this happen?  Well never mind i know how it happened, but really after 5 years, 3 failed IUI's, a failed IVF, and a Miscarriage last summer... This is really it, it feels right this time. 

So to recap I'm 6 weeks pregnant today, and the babies are due to join this word January 11, 2013.  And We get to see our little miracles again in two weeks on June 4th, and hopefully we will get to see the heartbeats.
I really want to track every step of my journey with lots of pictures.
Here is my belly at 5 weeks... i'm sure it is going to change quickly with two munchkins fighting for space = )

Till next time <3 Rachel

Oh april first how I could have skipped you.

I have been sort of dreading today. Last July I became pregnant, and last August 1st I had a misscariage. Well today would have been my due date. It's crazy that it's been that long since my loss. I know that I will have my child when the time is right, it's a power stronger than me. I simply can't force it.
I was also curious about where I was in m cycle last year on April 1st ( because I feel because of it being my due date it must have some sagnificants) well it does, today a year ago was day 1 of my IVF cycle, it was the day I started my injections for a cycle that didn't work.
Today will not make me sad, it will only make me stronger... Each day that goes by without children will only bring me closer to the day when I get to meet my futur children.

I've spent enough time being lazy. And a small scare.

Last year after my failed ivf I signed up for the gym. I started strong, going 3 to 5 times a week, I even think my going to the gym had something to do with my short summer pregnancy ( even though it didn't last long). Well I went all summer I even ran a few 5k's and worked out when I was on vacation. Well after late November I took a break... Bad idea. My break turned into me telling myself "oh it's the holidays, it's ok to take a break" well 1 month quickly turned into 4 months. I did the typical bargaining with myself as to why I didn't need to go. Even though I'm not over weight and for the most part not out of shape, I know deep down working out and eating healthy is good for my future self and maybe even my fertility.
So this week I gave myself an altimatum, go back to the gym this week or quit. And the idea of quoting kinda made me feel like I failed. So last Tuesday I did it, I went back. Ive only been there twice so far and I have to say my whole body achs like crazy, but it is an amazing feeling to know I'm back at it. Just being back a few times makes me know I need to keep doing it. I should never have stopped.
It's not going to be easy but my health will thank me later. I just have to remember how hard it is to come back after a break. And not let myself get lazy again.

And as for my scare... About 5 months ago (after my miscarage) I started getting a strange pain in my left Brest. The pain was only present after I ovulated and would go away when my period started. Each month the pain would get worse and by the 3rd month I felt a lump. I'm really good at telling myself there is nothing wrong with me, so I kept telling myself I as fine. Well last month the pain and the lump got much worse. And to push me over the edge my aunt on my moms side was just diagnosed with breast cancer. So it the words of my husband I got myself to the doctor befor it was to late. I got in to see my gyno right away. Then he sent me for a mammogram and an ultrasound. I am happy to say I am perfectly fine. The lump if a hard piece of tissue that is kinda like a cyst and it fluctuates with my cycle. But it's nothing to worry about. Thank goodness. I'm so relieved that my lump is nothing. I now think its never to soon to get a mammogram. I encourage every lady to do self checks and go for mammograms if you have any family history of breast cancer.