I'm not used to the lack of control

During my many years of infertility I've always (for the most part) been in control.  That's not to say I've always ended up with the result i wanted, but none the less i was in control.  When we started TTC I was in control of the dates we baby danced, and the days i POAS, and everything in between... When we did fertility treatment, every moment was accounted for, and that helped make me feel comfortable with where we where at with everything.    Even at the start of this pregnancy I was in control.  I took a pregnancy test every morning just to make sure the line was getting darker.  I kid you not i took at least 30 tests, but it made me feel better to know if the line was getting darker things where going to be ok.  I told myself after our first ultrasound i would stop POAS.  But that is proving to be difficult.  I haven't taken any tests since last Thursday (day of our ultrasound)  But it makes me really sad that i don't have my own personal ultrasound machine to keep check on the twins. 
I know that the twins are happy and growing fine, and I'll be ok.  I'll just be a bit more relieved on June 4th when we can see the babies again, and hear there heartbeats for the first time. <3  And I'll be even more relived in July when i end my first trimester.