Today I logged on to catch up on the new years blogs and to write a much needed post of my own. Much needed because I just haven't been able to put my thoughts down on paper lately. I start to write a blog post and then my mind runs blank. Well no blanks today! I've got so much to think back on, so much that has happened in the last year.
Thinking all the way back to last New Years Eve, I remember being sad about the 3 plus years I had been dealing with infertility and the 2 years of unemployment my husband was dealing with. But also I remember being so excited of the things that I thought 2011 was going to bring. We moved our infertility journey to the next level. We started our IVF cycle in April, which ended with the dreaded BFN. Thinking back on all the shots and all the time spent in the doctors office, it almost feels surreal... like it didn't even happen. Maybe it was a dream. My failed cycle left me sad but thinking back I know it happened that way for a reason. We were trying to rush the future, and it just doesn't work that way. I have defiantly learned patients.
In this last year I have also experienced loss (on a quick side note, I know plenty of wonderful things happened this year but looking back its the tough things that I'm thinking about) In July my wonderful grandma had a stroke and just under 2 months of fighting her battle she was taken up to be with god and my grandpa. Losing her was very hard for the whole family, but she lived a long 92 year full of life, love, and so much happiness. And if looking back on her wonderful life doesn't make you smile i don't know what will.
During my grandmas struggle in the hospital I was taught another very important lesson... let me first explain by saying... I have a few friends and family members who have struggled with miscarriages. A few of which have had multiple losses in there lives. Well after the failed IVF i was in a slum and starting to feel sorry for myself, so my new way of thinking was at least women who have had miscarriages know they can get pregnant ( see i'd never been pregnant ) Bam like lightning in the end of July I got my first positive test, only to be fallowed with a miscarriage a week later. I was sad but I was ok I knew that it was a learning opportunity for me. It was a way of showing me that yes it is going to happen, when the time is right (the time just wasn't right yet). And that is amazing in it self. Everything will happen in time when it is supposed to.
I am very hopeful that 2012 will bring great things. As much as i want to i'm not going to tell myself that this is defiantly the year we will have our baby, But I will say that if this is the year then I'm so excited but if its not then I know that 2012 will only bring us that much closer to our miracle. December 2011 my hubby finally found a job, which is the first great start to 2012. And he will also graduate this year which means a ton of wonderful things are going to happen this year just because of that. We are getting closer to all the amazing things that we have been waiting for. Ahh I'm actually really excited for the things that are to come.
Happy New Year to everyone, May this year bring happiness, health, and lots of wonderful things.
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